


Nightmares

by mggislife2789



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Demon Dean Winchester, Gen, Lucifer Possessing Sam Winchester, Mark of Cain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 08:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15837588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Using lyrics from Disturbed's The Sound of Silence.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Nightmares

-Hello darkness, my old friend

In a panic, he wakes up, body slick with sweat. Glancing around, he realizes quickly that he’s in the bunker. He’s not in the cage. Not with Lucifer. Not anymore. It’s been years since Sam was there.

He moves his legs down onto the floor and sticks his head in his hands, shaking away the memories. Why now? Why after so long? Because that’s what happens when the Winchesters get a modicum of happiness. One split second of breathing room gets invaded by racing thoughts.

-I’ve come to talk with you again

The rawness stings at Dean’s throat as he bellows himself awake. “No, not again.” It’s the same things. The same damn nightmares coming to him over and over again. He couldn’t save Sammy. He couldn’t stop himself with the First Blade in his hand.

Apocalypse One had been avoided. They were heading into the second, but through it all he told himself that they did more good than bad. That they saved people. But then that damn Mark. It corrupted him. The one belief he thought was steadfast and true changed when crystalline green eyes turned the deepest shade of black.

-Because a vision softly creeping

Cas didn’t need to sleep - ever. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to sleep. Maybe if he could there would be a reprieve from the constant barrage of past mistakes. All he wanted was to protect God’s creation and for personal reasons, protect the Winchesters, but it seemed that no matter what he did, no matter what choices he made, they resulted in more harm done than good.

As he paced the concrete floors of the bunker, he fought to remember heaven. The way it used to be and the way he was hoping it would one day be again. He wasn’t welcome there anymore. Despite his best intentions, he’d betrayed so many of his kind. He’d killed his brothers and sisters after taking in an amount of souls no one but God himself would’ve been able to contain. And then Dean and Sam had to clean up his mess. That was all they ever did. Maybe they would be better off without him…

-Left its seeds while I was sleeping

If Sam was lucky, he’d get a break when he drifted off into a deep sleep, but more often than not that’s when Lucifer came out to play. In his waking hours, he wasn’t plagued by thoughts of him as much, but there was nothing to distract him, nothing to block the tiny strands of the spider’s web that Lucifer left behind - the ones that dug deep into his brain, forever changing him. 

“If you’d never been born, your mother would still be alive.”

“If you’d never been born, Dean wouldn’t hate you. You took his mother away.”

It never ended. Lucifer was always there, especially as he slept, making him doubt every move he’d ever met and the ones he’d yet to make. 

-And the vision that was planted in my brain

Going back to sleep tonight wasn’t going to happen. Not with the first person image of him beating Cas to within an inch of his life. The Mark of Cain was the biggest mistake of his already fucked up life. The guilt would never leave - he was sure of it.

Not only did he turn his back on his brother, the one person he’d felt responsible for since he was four years old, but it caused him to beat his best friend almost to death. If Cas hadn’t been an angel, he probably would’ve died. Despite not being in control, he could still feel Cas’s vessel’s bones break under the weight of his fists. He could still feel the slickness of Cas’s blood on his hands. He could still see flesh rip open and inflame under his inhuman strength.

Cas forgave him. Almost instantly, but he hadn’t forgiven himself - for that or anything else he’d ever done. Now the Mark was gone, but the scar still remained. 

-Still remains

Slowly but surely, Cas had come to the realization that he had free will. He didn’t have to do something or take an order that he knew was wrong. Free will was frightening, but knowing it and feeling the difference in his soul and then having it taken away was all the more terrifying. Rowena’s attack-dog spell had him unable to make decisions of his own. It was only when he attacked Sam and Dean, beating the face of the one person he cared for most in the world, that Rowena undid her spell.

Was it the worst thing he’d ever done? Probably not, but he would still never forgive himself for always putting himself in the worst of situations. It seemed like with free will came questions. Was having free will easier or harder than not having it?

-Within the sound of silence

Sam resigned himself to tossing and turning in the tranquility of his room. He needed sleep, but he knew it wouldn’t be coming to him tonight.

Dean wouldn’t be sleeping either, so maybe the sound of coffee brewing would block out some of the noise in his head. All he knew was that he couldn’t stay in his room. If he fell asleep again, the images would shoot to the forefront of his mind like an arrow to the head.

As soon as he heard Dean leave his room, Cas returned to his. He couldn’t look at him. He couldn’t see his still bruised face and know that he was the one that put them there, no matter how much Dean felt he deserved it. It took everything in him not to walk out of the bunker into the stillness of the early morning. They would be better off without him - he was sure of it.


End file.
